The unfortunate and surprising news this week of a friends sudden passing has caused me pause. Healthy fortysomethings are expected to live long enough to take full care of their young. Deaths at this age are termed untimely, and they always knock the wind out of our sails. And while I dont use the particular phrase of untimely death often, as it generally cuts across my own religious beliefs about life and death and the role of the Creator in both, I do admit to feeling at ease with the thought that indeed, ones death at this age seems to be out of the natural order of things.

Combined with the uncanny timing of my re-taking (some twenty-plus years after taking it the first time) the licensing exam for life insurance, Ive given more thought than usual to my epitaph. Ive been thinking about what my husband would write about me. About which handful of words hed engrave into stone which would preserve my memory for all those who will come after me. Perhaps Ive been studying the rules and regulations too hard; perhaps its getting to me. Perhaps Ive spoken with one too many associates this week. Been forced to be too net when describing someone, or when describing myself, for that matter. At a business dinner on Tuesday, I had to stand up and give my own elevator speech, those two minutes which were supposed to shed light on just exactly who I am to a roomful of complete strangers.

And at our Society meeting this week, we discussed how to get our groove back. We talked about how we choose to participate in activities and how we de-select out of others. How the bottom line to involvement is passion. How we need to direct energy and time into those things that define us according to our natural gifts and talents and interest. And pass on those that dont.

When I think about those things that will shape my own story, I know that certainly those organizations in which Ive chosen to be involved will add texture. That how Ive chosen to spend my time has shaped the person that Im becoming. That the people Ive surrounded myself with will add chapters. That theyll color it or highlight it or punctuate it. With spice or laughter or compassion, as they have been placed into my life to add accordingly. That my children will further develop me. That my life work will help others construct measurable boundaries in attempts to describe me.

Whats your story? If someone had to work on your epitaph, what would they write? If you sat twenty of your closest friends and associates around a table to distill your story into a handful of words, what would they be? Do your everyday activities reflect the real you? Do your friendships help you to become the person you feel destined to become? Is your work life representative of your life work? If you had to choose just one word to define you, would you be able to come up with one?

Im not thinking about my epitaph in a morbid way. I believe that each one of us needs to reflect on our own story at one time or anotheror at many different times throughout our lives.

For me, its not even the live life one day at a time thingalthough I appreciate now more than ever the gift of each day. For me, its the going through the motions of each day, the tough driving-through-traffic-eating-your-lunch-at-your-desk days and the getting-kids-ready-for-school-while-trying-to-catch-up-on-laundry days that give me the most food for thought.

For I dont believe that its necessarily the mountaintop experiences that provide the most food for the soul. I believe its how you live the day-in-day-out that means the most. That makes people notice. That provides teachable moments. Mentoring opportunities.

Fodder for your epitaph.

Carolina Fernandez has been guiding mothers through the trenches of frontline motherhood for almost twenty years. She wholeheartedly embraces her role as mother mentor to todays young moms all over the world. Through her own observations and experiences of the oftentimes lonely and painful unchartered waters of parenting while raising her own four kids away from family, friends and hometown, she helps other moms navigate similar waters. She founded the ROCKET MOM SOCIETY, an international club for moms, where she hopes to encourage, equip and empower moms for excellence. To become a member or for more details, please visit http://rms.clubexpress.com

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